Shang Qinghua gives in to the urge to cover his face, and lacking a fan, this just means he sort of plasters his hands over his eyes and burning cheeks. Casper likes him. He’s sure he doesn’t mean like— but god, he— “I’m not sure anyone has ever said they liked me in either of my lives?” His voice squeaks again and yep he’s just out here humiliating himself.
“People liking me doesn’t… happen either. I mean I barely spoke to anyone in my first life and my parents didn’t like me, and now I’m stuck with, being Shang Qinghua, and why would anyone like him, he’s a spy and a traitor and— I can’t afford to have, like, integrity or anything, because I’d just get executed for all my horrible traitor crimes! And it’s not like— I tried to mitigate things at the conference and it made it worse somehow! Fuck, sorry, I’m— talking about myself too much again, I’m—“ He rubs impatiently at his face.
“Dying was horrible. And I thought it would be like, over? Like, it hurt a lot and I knew I’d fucked up and it was my own fault but then at least I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore, and then there’s a mechanical voice in my head giving me orders and I just have to do that forever! It’s on standby right now, I guess it doesn’t have power away from that world, but it could wake up any time, and there goes me being able to like, decide anything!”
“And I’m talking too much about myself again and you don’t deserve to be used as a chess piece you should get to make your own choices and… and I think if you think someone isn’t a good person you’re probably right.” When you decide I’m not a good person, you’ll be right. “You… you shouldn’t have to just dedicate everything to other people. You’re a person too. A good person. I’m sorry, I can’t— say things in a useful way, I just, things just come out of my mouth, I, can I give you a hug again? Maybe I was better at that? If that’s— if you wanted?” He’s still hiding behind his hands, he can’t bear to look at Casper while he asks that. God, he feels like he’s in a high school romance drama, there should be flower petals or something instead of rain and lightning. He’s certainly enough of an immature idiot to play a teenager. Otome did not prepare him for the mortifying ordeal of A Cute Boy Is Nice To Him. He’s not even sure what he wants other than for Casper to not be sad, and for Casper to not leave. It just… feels nice being around him.
no subject
Shang Qinghua gives in to the urge to cover his face, and lacking a fan, this just means he sort of plasters his hands over his eyes and burning cheeks. Casper likes him. He’s sure he doesn’t mean like— but god, he— “I’m not sure anyone has ever said they liked me in either of my lives?” His voice squeaks again and yep he’s just out here humiliating himself.
“People liking me doesn’t… happen either. I mean I barely spoke to anyone in my first life and my parents didn’t like me, and now I’m stuck with, being Shang Qinghua, and why would anyone like him, he’s a spy and a traitor and— I can’t afford to have, like, integrity or anything, because I’d just get executed for all my horrible traitor crimes! And it’s not like— I tried to mitigate things at the conference and it made it worse somehow! Fuck, sorry, I’m— talking about myself too much again, I’m—“ He rubs impatiently at his face.
“Dying was horrible. And I thought it would be like, over? Like, it hurt a lot and I knew I’d fucked up and it was my own fault but then at least I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore, and then there’s a mechanical voice in my head giving me orders and I just have to do that forever! It’s on standby right now, I guess it doesn’t have power away from that world, but it could wake up any time, and there goes me being able to like, decide anything!”
“And I’m talking too much about myself again and you don’t deserve to be used as a chess piece you should get to make your own choices and… and I think if you think someone isn’t a good person you’re probably right.” When you decide I’m not a good person, you’ll be right. “You… you shouldn’t have to just dedicate everything to other people. You’re a person too. A good person. I’m sorry, I can’t— say things in a useful way, I just, things just come out of my mouth, I, can I give you a hug again? Maybe I was better at that? If that’s— if you wanted?” He’s still hiding behind his hands, he can’t bear to look at Casper while he asks that. God, he feels like he’s in a high school romance drama, there should be flower petals or something instead of rain and lightning. He’s certainly enough of an immature idiot to play a teenager. Otome did not prepare him for the mortifying ordeal of A Cute Boy Is Nice To Him. He’s not even sure what he wants other than for Casper to not be sad, and for Casper to not leave. It just… feels nice being around him.