Casper nuzzles into his neck and Shang Qinghua is, for all his cultivation, only human. The warm animal comfort of it is… goddamn, this must be why people like being in relationships so much. If he was married like Cucumber-bro, maybe he would just spend all his time hanging out alone with his husband all over him. He doesn’t want Luo Binghe all over him—Bingmei still honestly creeps him out, but at least he and Shen-shixiong seem happy?—but someone like Casper… he can see wanting that.
Casper steps back, and Shang Qinghua has just enough presence of mind to not make a truly pathetic noise at the loss. He’s… he doesn’t want to be that kind of pathetic at Casper, weeping and clutching his thighs and debasing himself. He wants Casper to keep thinking he’s sort of a person worthy of respect, even if he’s wrong and Shang Qinghua will always be nothing but a rat. It’s… sort of nice to have something to live up to, instead of down to.
Then Casper starts apologizing, and—fuck. “I— you don’t have to apologize, that was maybe the nicest thing that has ever happened to me, and— please don’t be sorry about it? I, I mean, if you regret— it’s fine if you don’t want— and anyway you’re like young and handsome and heroic and your prospects are like great and I’m a pathetic old man with bad taste in literature and the fantasy equivalent of a degree in accounting— but you’re not, like, impinging on, like, I don’t have— all I’ve ever had is a crush on my favorite character who’s going to kill me one day because I’m very annoying and a scum traitor and— I’m sorry, fuck, I—“ He scrubs at his face, embarrassed of how visibly emotional he definitely is. He’s normally better at not having like, real emotions, only ones that are useful for survival, but the unexpected affection has completely thrown him off, it’s not something he’s at all used to dealing with. “I’m sorry I was all clingy and— like, usually the closest I get to someone touching me is Cucumber-bro hitting me with his fan, I’m sorry I was, I’m being— weird about it. Fuck.”
no subject
Casper nuzzles into his neck and Shang Qinghua is, for all his cultivation, only human. The warm animal comfort of it is… goddamn, this must be why people like being in relationships so much. If he was married like Cucumber-bro, maybe he would just spend all his time hanging out alone with his husband all over him. He doesn’t want Luo Binghe all over him—Bingmei still honestly creeps him out, but at least he and Shen-shixiong seem happy?—but someone like Casper… he can see wanting that.
Casper steps back, and Shang Qinghua has just enough presence of mind to not make a truly pathetic noise at the loss. He’s… he doesn’t want to be that kind of pathetic at Casper, weeping and clutching his thighs and debasing himself. He wants Casper to keep thinking he’s sort of a person worthy of respect, even if he’s wrong and Shang Qinghua will always be nothing but a rat. It’s… sort of nice to have something to live up to, instead of down to.
Then Casper starts apologizing, and—fuck. “I— you don’t have to apologize, that was maybe the nicest thing that has ever happened to me, and— please don’t be sorry about it? I, I mean, if you regret— it’s fine if you don’t want— and anyway you’re like young and handsome and heroic and your prospects are like great and I’m a pathetic old man with bad taste in literature and the fantasy equivalent of a degree in accounting— but you’re not, like, impinging on, like, I don’t have— all I’ve ever had is a crush on my favorite character who’s going to kill me one day because I’m very annoying and a scum traitor and— I’m sorry, fuck, I—“ He scrubs at his face, embarrassed of how visibly emotional he definitely is. He’s normally better at not having like, real emotions, only ones that are useful for survival, but the unexpected affection has completely thrown him off, it’s not something he’s at all used to dealing with. “I’m sorry I was all clingy and— like, usually the closest I get to someone touching me is Cucumber-bro hitting me with his fan, I’m sorry I was, I’m being— weird about it. Fuck.”