Test Drive 01

[pluviosamods]

TEST DRIVE

Hello, and welcome to the first Pluviosa Test Drive!

Rather than a series of prompts that are set after arrival to the game, this Test Drive is instead more of a soft open for the game. That is to say, not only are Test Drive threads game canon, but the Test Drive should be regarded as the "start" of the game chronologically and contains arrival-related events and information.

Or lack of information, as the case in fact is, because there is no greeting party waiting to reassure characters that everything is fine back in their worlds and that they'll get to go home again. (On the flip side, there's no one telling them that their worlds have been destroyed, either.) There is only the ship, the things inside it, the raging storm outside, and what characters can figure out for themselves.

It is advised that potential players familiarize themselves with the Premise page, the Rules/Session Zero page, and at least the first few paragraphs of the Setting page. As Pluviosa is a horror game, we especially encourage players to be aware of the content warnings that will be major themes of the game.

ARRIVAL

(cw: minor blood, visions, storm weather)

The first thing you become aware of is the sound of dripping. Your mind is fogged, as though woken from the wrong part of your sleep cycle. In your daze, you're convinced that the sound of dripping is blood. Yours? Someone else's? You can't be sure. It's dripping from somewhere. It's your fault, whichever it is.

Good. One way or another, you'll be free of this nightmare -

And then, in response to the sound of a crack of thunder outside, clarity returns.

Characters come around as though disturbed from a deep sleep. Once they have shaken off the (vision? impression?) of blood, they will find that the dripping sound, at least, was real. Fortunately, it's only water - rainwater, more than likely, judging from the occasional booms of thunder and flashes of lightning overhead. One hell of a storm, quite possibly the worst characters have ever experienced, is raging outside.

Outside where? Well, outside the ship, of course.

As a general rule, characters wake up in a random room of the first level of the ship below the main decks. Theoretically, this should be a relatively safe, dry place - but with the age of the ship, its state of disrepair, and the number of plants above that have dug their roots into the deck above, leaks are plentiful. Thus, the sound of dripping water is a constant even in enclosed areas - and, of course, the outside of the ship is being pounded by rain in shimmering sheets, adding to the cacophony of noise accented by the thunder.

Even the protective bubble over the deck itself and the balconies of the rooms is having trouble working to keep the rain out - the rain isn't terrifying hurricane levels, but it is steady and water floods steadily down the stairs and over the edges of the gap down the center of the ship. The worst of the wind, too, has been kept out, but occasional gusts send ripples through the rain.

There is no power inside the ship right now and barely any light besides the flash of lightning - although characters may arrive while it is nominally day, the clouds stretching from horizon to horizon have blocked out the sun almost completely. The motion of the ship is also far worse than usual due to the storm winds - it's easy to believe that you are in fact at sea, unless you manage to get close enough to the exterior windows or balconies to be able to see the ship's legs in motion through the cascade of water that runs down the exterior.

SEEING IS BELIEVING

(cw: hallucinations, thinking things that are real are hallucinations)

In the dark, you have to rely on your other senses - hearing, sound, smell. Smell is giving you the best information to start out with - rain, of course, but also mildew, plants, and old metal. (Is that a whiff of blood at the bottom? No, it's because of that bad dream you had messing with your head.)

No one comes to greet you. No one comes to find you. Instinctively, you know - no one is coming. You'll have to save yourself.

Characters will be fully convinced that they are alone until they actually run into another character. Even things that seem like they should be indicative of another person's presence, such as hearing voices or seeing someone shine a light down a hallway - your character will be convinced that that is just a hallucination until they can definitely lay eyes on another person, hear their voice clearly (ie: not half-drowned-out by the rain) or otherwise be certain of their presence.

That isn't to say that hallucinations aren't occurring. All characters, but especially those who are alone, will periodically hear murmuring voices, smell blood, smoke, and other scents reminiscent of destruction, and see what appear to be the flashes of flashlights, flickering lightbulbs, and the shadows of people walking around. These hallucinations fade in and out in intensity, but they always clear up for at least a little while when a character notices the sound of thunder. Given that the thunder is very frequent during the storm (every few minutes), most hallucinations won't last for long.

For most characters, the voices will be unintelligible murmurs. However, if your character has experienced an event of mass destruction at some point in their life (apocalypse or near-apocalypse, destruction of a city, volcano eruption, being the only survivor of a town that was slaughtered, etc), or has a connection to the dead, they will be able to pick out that the voices of the hallucinations are talking about either attempting to rescue people from something similar (eg: a distant voice shouting "there's someone still alive over here!") or, alternately, talking about how everything is lost, everyone is doomed now, etc. They may hear one type of voice or both at different times, at player discretion.

TO RUN ITS COURSE

(cw: dead loved ones, hallucinations/delusions, violence, potential death. THIS PROMPT CONTAINS PVP OPTIONS.)

You're not supposed to be alone. There was someone with you, only a few hours or years or minutes or lifetimes ago. You weren't always alone, and you have to find them.

You'll find them. You do. But not in any kind of condition to keep you company. This lump of flesh is empty now. The plants are already growing over it, reclaiming it. There's blood in the soil, and there's the sound of someone else coming up behind you.

Someone is coming. You'll have to save yourself.

There are various heaps of organic debris that characters can stumble across when wandering around in the dark - piled up leaves, rotted plants, heaps of ferns, moss, and so on. Even solid wood, sometimes - the trunks of small, twisted trees that took root where they might and have grown out from balconies to the exterior or inwards down the jungled crevasse between the two halves of the ship. In the low light, it's easy to literally stumble across them, or mistake them for something else in the brief light of a flash of lightning.

It's the mistaking them for something else that could be a problem. Characters may find themselves absolutely convinced that these heaps of leaves are the body of a loved one - especially if they were wandering around looking for someone in particular. They may or may not accurately perceive leaf cover on the outside of the "body," but unless they dig their hands in enough to be sure of the heap's contents - but who would want to go digging their hands into the body of someone they love? - or they see the shape in clear lighting (which would have to be provided by another character), it will be near impossible to convince them that the pile is just that, and not a corpse.

But that's not the really dangerous part. The dangerous part of all this is that if someone unexpected approaches while the character is in the same room as the 'body,' they may become convinced that the new arrival is responsible for their loved one's death. It doesn't matter how illogical it is on the surface - fear, or rage, or whatever it is that might fuel them will turn on the stranger. And whatever it is that convinces them of this has also turned their fight-or-flight reflex solidly to fight, whether it's for revenge or the last chance at survival for a cornered rat.

Characters so affected will fight until one of the following occurs: If they are led out of sight of the 'body,' they return to their senses (given that they may be inclined to chase the 'perpetrator,' this may be the best non-violent way to resolve the issue). If they are convinced that the 'body' is fake (through physical contact or clear lighting as above), they also return to their senses. And finally, if they kill the 'perpetrator' or are themselves killed or knocked unconscious, the effect ends. In all of these cases, it ends with the sharpness of a rubber band snapped against the skin, and the character is fully aware of their altered mental state and what occurred as a result.

If your character dies as a result of this prompt (and you want that thread to be game canon), please give the mods a heads-up if/when you are accepted into the game. Although this will not count as an 'official' death and will not consume a character's "freebie" revival, there may still be consequences for your character's death.

CONTENTS WORMING

(cw: worms. many worms. not parasitic. just worms.)

It's easy to take a wrong step in the dark. Of course, tripping and falling isn't the worst thing that can happen.

This isn't the worst thing that could happen, either. That doesn't make it any better in the moment - the split-second when the ground erupts and a writhing mass of something slimy doesn't so much crawl out as jump out - but maybe it will make it better later.

You know how worms come writhing up out of the ground during a rainstorm, when the soil is absolutely saturated?

Well, that's true of the soil on the ship as well, except the worms here aren't just common earthworms anymore. They've learned to climb, the slime that they use to wriggle through the soil modified such that they can cause it to turn sticky and squelch their way up walls, ceilings - and anyone they happen to come across. If you step in the wrong place, an entire cluster of them will respond, by clinging to your clothes and body, squirming upwards in a desperate bid to escape the wet soil and the continuous rivulets of water caused by the storm.

Or perhaps you sat down to rest somewhere and felt them creeping - or didn't, until there was suddenly something wet and cold on your bare skin. Or maybe you encountered the worms not through their climbing, but afterwards, when they drop off the ceiling and fall down on your head as the enzyme that renders their slime sticky wears out. However it happens... worms.

Fortunately, they're harmless - aside from being a bit larger than the earthworms a character is likely to be familiar with, and their strange ability to become sticky, these are largely indistinguishable from normal earthworms. Unfortunately, it's hard to tell that in the dark and the wet - this is their native environment, not yours, and anyone would panic at the sensation of worms trying to crawl up them or into dry places in their clothes.

There is an easy solution to this: Because the worms are fleeing the rain in the soil, they won't climb up anything that's just as wet as the dirt they left behind. All a character has to do to become worm-free is get thoroughly soaked, such as by stepping out into the reduced-but-still-pouring rain on a balcony or deck protected by the ship's bubbles. Unfortunately.... Well, then they're wet. And there doesn't seem to be anywhere to dry off any time soon...

FAQ

For information on the general shape and state of the ship, please see the setting page. Please note that mods will not be running investigations during the test drive period.

Q: Do our characters still have their powers/items?

Generally speaking, yes. Characters have their powers intact (with certain exceptions, largely for potential-gamebreak reasons) and whatever items they were carrying at their canonpoints. Please see the FAQ for more details.

Q: My character is dead and/or dying at their canonpoint!

Well... Now they aren't. Specifically, dead characters come back as their most recent 'healthy' state of being (unless they're a type of character that is playable while dead, such as a vampire or a Bleach shinigami, in which case they continue as normal for them); they also arrive already soaked through by the rain, regardless of the location they wake up. Characters who are mortally injured find that their wounds have healed; in place of whatever blood was soaking through their clothes/dripping from their bodies/in their mouth from a Cough of Death, they instead find pure water.

Q: Can my character(s) explore the ship?

Your characters are welcome to explore as much as they're willing and capable of doing in the wet and the rain! However, getting between floors is a challenge in the current weather - with the power off, the elevators do not work, and the stairs are consistently flooded by a cascade of rainwater. However, mods will not be running any official, guided explorations until after game opening.

Q: Is there anywhere dry to rest?

Nowhere is completely dry, but the aft portion of the ship is significantly drier than the middle and fore. The reason for this is that there is a series of partial decks (the residential decks) over roughly the last third of the ship. The rain is fully blocked by the roof overhead, in theory, but in practice the wind and the flooding leave this space only sort of dry. It's possible to find your way here on your own and find some place to sleep that doesn't blow mold spores into your face when you sit down, but it's also darker here, since the lightning's light is also blocked out by the roof.

Q: BATHROOMS?

Unfortunately, the lack of water in the pipes means that the toilets (which can be found relatively intact in most suites, though many are full of standing water) are also not running. Characters get to deal with this issue as they see fit, whether that's using the dilapidated toilets or using a more fertilizer-like strategy.

Q: Is there anything from the game's main info pages that doesn't apply to this Test Drive?

Given that the power is currently off, the Ship (as in the entity) cannot be interacted with on the Test Drive (and characters have no reason to think it's there). Anything else that would require power, such as the elevators or water from the faucets, also does not work.

Q: How long does the storm last?

ICly, it begins to lighten up on the evening of the second day after the first characters wake up, though it is still raining steadily with occasional thunder throughout that night. (Characters will continue to trickle in throughout the duration of the storm, though most arrive before the end of the first day.) The characters will be able to see the sun starting on the third morning - which is also planned to be the game's formal opening, so we won't say more until then!

Q: Do our characters receive anything upon arrival?

Not a thing! Nor do they encounter any kind of informational NPC or anything that gives them a solid idea what's going on. The only exception to this is that all characters experience the dripping-blood related vision/dream/impression detailed in the first prompt of the Test Drive. Additionally, characters who have a unique tie to their world (such as Aerith's connection to the Lifestream in FFVII) will be aware that they're not in their own world anymore.

Q: What are our characters eating?

Since the power hasn't come on yet... Whatever they're adventurous and/or knowledgeable enough to find that doesn't kill them! This can include edible plants and limited amounts of things brought from home (please don't have your character bring 99 casseroles even if your game's inventory system allows it), but mods are not tracking this specifically. Most characters will be expected to be hungry and unhappy but not literally starving come game open. At least there's plenty of water.

Q: I have some specific question I need to ask about my specific character on the test drive!

Please post your question in response to the header comment QUESTIONS below!

Comments

[airplaneskyward]

"Ah, well, what it's supposed to mean and what it means for me are sort of... different things, because the book I was reborn into was maybe a little bit, uh, sloppily written." Look, he needed to eat and he didn't have time to reread his own millions of words and crank out ten thousand words a day of shitty porn! "But it doesn't really matter! Anyway, yeah, you just sort of... inevitably keep heading towards godhood, you mean? I would have to make like, intentional efforts in that direction, it definitely doesn't just kind of happen, at least in my world, there are some books where Heavenly Tribulations just sort of randomly strike the worthy and call them up to the Heavenly Courts. Generally the worthy are at least cultivators already, though, so there is some work going on."

"We grunts deserve the respect, bro. We keep shit running. Like, nobody would have food or an intact roof on Cang Qiong without me and my grunt army. And you and your," he gestures vaguely, "Nobody in the modern day knows what the hell to do with a corpse, nobody can prepare someone for burial at home anymore, people would lose it without the important services of people like you! Honestly it was maybe a little alarming the first time I realized I would have to personally deal with corpses, even after I came to terms with the fact that I would as a cultivator at some point probably have to create some, because I grew up a shut-in NEET in goddamn Beijing, I was not prepared for the cultural norms of fantasy ancient China." Writing really doesn't count as employment, even if it did pay the bills, it wasn't a real job.

[helborn]

"I see." And he shakes his head at the question. "I mean some people never do things people talk about, and some people do but don't get like... famous famous. You have to intentionally do things to get people talking. There's... uh. A reason that the leading causes of death in Scion are either Titanspawn or 'stupid stunts'." He's not sure on the numbers, don't question him. "And I know some mortals have been granted godhood but I don't know if it actually works like that. It's one of those 'all myths are at least sort of true' things, but the 'sort of' is important?"

'Bro'? He can't remember the last time someone called him 'bro'. It's kind of nice. "I'm uh... not sure what a NEET is, but Beijing explains the uh... I guess genre you're in?" It sounds like an anime, and yes he's aware Japan and China are wildly different cultures but it's the closest non-mythology comparison he's got. "It's not something that's really popular where I am."

... Actually that brings up a good question. "Since we're from comparable-sounding worlds, what year is it for you? It's... early 2006 for me."

[airplaneskyward]

"Oh, god, it's like some kind of fucked up reality TV show? That sounds... sort of terrible! Does everyone know about the gods being real, to be able to talk about shit you do?" If they do that would definitely be a point towards 'not from actually the same world', because he's never heard of anything like it.

"Oh, NEET is, uh, no education employment or training. I uh, made my living writing shitty serial novels, which is not a real job." He looks actually kind of embarrassed, for once. "And then I got electrocuted and died! In 2015. It's been like, sixty years since then, but that probably didn't pass in the same way back home, because Cucumber-bro transmigrated like fifty years after me but from the same death year. And, oh, yeah, I'm from a xianxia novel, but unless you're like a truly enormous nerd you probably never heard of that genre in Canada, I don't think it's very popular overseas period. It's like, sort of the stock fantasy tropes in China, the way wizards and shit are in the west? Like, people write it different ways, but there's always cultivators and spirits and shit."

[helborn]

"It's a little 'Jackass', yeah." Which probably didn't make it over to China, so he continues. "Which was 'stupid stunts for attention: the TV show' basically. And no, not everyone knows the gods are real. Most - who aren't like Hindu or something? - are still worshipers of the Abrahamic capital G God. I don't know how it works, it just kind of does."

... Aw. He shakes his head. "I mean writing anything is a big achievement? I struggle with writing essays in school. I couldn't write a whole novel - that's actually really impressive. It absolutely is a real job." Come on, have a little confidence! One of them has to. "Yeah, I've never heard of it. But it sounds pretty cool, at least."

There's a brief pause before... "... who is 'Cucumber-bro'?"

[airplaneskyward]

"That sounds very confusing to become suddenly aware of being a part of. Do you just like, need to be famous among the other, uh, godspawn? Scions? Also, what are Titanspawn, by the way?"

"It was millions of words of... it really was not good, Cucumber-bro never lets me forget all my fucking plot holes and bad characterization. Oh! Cucumber-bro was one of my readers, his username was Peerless Cucumber. My biggest hater. Read every update and left long comments about all the ways it sucked. He remembers everything. And then he also died and transmigrated into my--the same shitty book." He's trying not to admit he's in his own work, but Casper is so chill to talk to, and he's so unused to mentioning transmigration to anyone other than Cucumber-bro himself, that he's honestly struggling a little to not spill it by accident. "But thank you for the encouragement! My family did not agree on the real job front, but I was going to be a disappointment no matter what, so whatever, yknow? Anyway, you have other strengths! You're a logistics guy, the most underappreciated kind of guy!" He joined An Ding Peak as a disciple, and even the lower peaks look down on An Ding cultivators as useless and pathetic. You're welcome for the medicine being available to treat your constant injuries and the organized collection for repair of training weapons on your peak, Liu Qingge!

[helborn]

"Nope, you need to be famous around regular people. ... There's a reason that there aren't a lot of new gods. It's not like the gods have children often, and the ones that do tend to stay hidden until a crisis happens. And among those there are very few who make it to demigod, and fewer still to godhood."

He shrugs. "Look, I know of people who write novel-length fanfiction of characters having sex. Writing is writing, at least you're being creative." But as he goes on... oh gods that sounds like a nightmare. And he kind of figured it was his book. "If he hated it so much why did he read it? That sounds like a waste of time."

Eheh. "I know the whole 'disappointing to family' thing. I was going to go to university and get my funeral director's license but even if I did that I don't know if my dad would have ever let me take over the family business. And then I find out he's an extremely long-lived mage so it's not like the business was going to get handed over soon anyway." Wait. Uh. "... Fuck it, it doesn't matter anyway. Magic isn't a secret here. But he never told me and I had to find out in a... really unpleasant way."

[airplaneskyward]

"But you made it to demigod! Are you famous? Are you-- is it weird if I ask what your deeds were, sorry, that's probably weird. You don't need to answer that."

"He didn't just read it, he paid me for it. You had to pay to unlock every chapter, and he did. He bought merch, too. Most dedicated antifan. He did like my protagonist." He really, really liked his protagonist. Carnally, as it turned out. Shang Qinghua shrugs. "I dunno, I've never argued with what makes me money. That's why I ended up writing so many nonsense papapa plots-- uh. I mean, that's why I wrote so much every day, the fans demanded regular updates." His saving grace is he's pretty sure that particular piece of slang is specifically Chinese, as long as the translation effect doesn't render it intelligible to Casper. He really would like to seem even slightly respectable for five minutes, even if he is a sellout porn author!

[helborn]

"Famous-ish? It's a lot of stopping zombies and making my own zombies and saving people from being attacked by monsters. So more of a folktale than a legend if that makes sense."

What is... he's aware (faintly) of Livejournal but Tumblr doesn't exist for him yet. And he's not really into fandoms anyway, so that level of dedicated fandom is kind of scary-sounding. The quick change of phrasing makes him suspect it's... not not porn, but it's fine? He doesn't care. "But it pays the bills. And you had fans, which is pretty awesome. ... And it sounds kind of scary. But if he's that dedicated to hating your stuff... man, I can't imagine getting stuck with him. He doesn't sound like the most pleasant of people."

[airplaneskyward]

"Wait, hold up, you have a zombie apocalypse?!" Definitely a different world! "Holy shit, dude, that sounds way worse than my shit, most of the demons don't attack humans and there aren't that many resentful spirits and mostly I can point Liu-shidi at the monsters and it's mostly easy to avoid the, uh, poisons!" Not admitting that the world is packed with random aphrodisiacs!

"Fans paid the bills! It was sort of nice! It worked, anyway! Cucumber-bro isn't that bad, he's just, like, tsundere. He can barely admit he likes his husband, and they're disgustingly in love. I think we're actually like, best friends? But he would like, rather die than actually admit to having a real human emotion, so mostly he just yells at me for being a hack and hits me with his fan. It's fine! My k-- other, uh, friends hit way harder." He is really trying to keep the spy for demons part under wraps. Also, his standards might be... questionable. Also, he would absolutely not describe his king as a 'friend', Mobei-Jun would give him the most intimidating disapproving eyebrows if he did. He is way too lowly to be friends with the King of the Northern Desert!

[helborn]

"No, no - not a full-blown apocalypse. Uh. Yet? Hopefully it won't be a whole thing like that. But there's been cracks in the ground that zombies have crawled out of. They're not all that tough, just... a lot of them. So I've made some zombies to fight them. It's... not like their souls are there anymore, and while I'd rather send them back to their families I also can't do that if I'm dead."

He... does not know what 'tsundere' means but he gets the idea. He blinks at the mention of his husband - wait, this guy can just casually say that? Man, a lot changed in ten or so years. "He shouldn't be trying to hit you at all. But I mean... yeah. Friends can be mean sometimes." They shouldn't be, but Casper's standards are... extremely low. He also knows some people who would die rather than admit they have an emotion that isn't anger or disgust, but he's pretty sure that the retribution would be a lot worse than just getting hit.

"Maybe you could - tell me some stories some time? It'd be a good way to pass the time here, and I'm - um. Interested?" Kind of? Can he say that? Is it appropriate to say that? He's not sure.

[airplaneskyward]

"Like... microdosing zombie apocalypse? Well, shit, I hope it doesn't get worse? That sounds terrible! I guess you're kind of stuck being the one to deal with it, since it's all, your kind of purview, so it ends up your problem even though it's in no way your fault? That's how everything seems to go for me!" Logistics: where problems go to die!

"I was sort of doomed to 'mean sometimes' at best when I transmigrated into the book I did, honestly. My character, like Shang Qinghua the guy, is... not popular. Even before I was born as him, in the original text, and I think I'm probably even more annoying than he was supposed to be." Less backstabby, though, he does have that going for him. He actually possessed loyalty, which the original goods absolutely did not. Which hopefully will be enough to save him from a horrible death at the hands of his ideal man! "I'm sort of surprised I have friends at all, really!"

Airplane tries not to light up too pathetically at the question. "I'm more used to writing than like, speaking, and it's sort of too wet for that, and my stories are mostly like, stupid, but if you want to hear, totally! I mean I uh, probably would avoid the parts I lived through, that's sort of weird now, and anyway I liked my original outline better than the shit I published, and the way the plot turned out after Cucumber-bro turned up was way different on top of that, but like, Proud Immortal Demon Way wasn't the only thing I ever wrote, it was just the first one that had enough mass appeal. Formula, you know? People didn't pay for the experimental shit."

[helborn]

"Not like - I mean there's a few outbreaks, nothing widespread. But yeaeh I end up having to deal with it. It's kind of... Ii'm basically my mother's piece on the game board if that makes sense. And she doesn't have a lot of pieces."

Hm... "That sounds like a rough situation. And I... kind of understand that. The whole 'how do I have friends' thing."

Oh good! He's interested. Casper grins at Shang Qinghua. "I understand that. I just... I like stories. Stories are a good way to... escape." He fidgets with the edge of his hoodie and nods. "I... my home life wasn't exactly rosy? So fantasy stories are a good way to pretend I'm not there... if that makes sense."

[airplaneskyward]

"Oh, bro, being a pawn sucks. Like, obviously I'm--" Shit. No. Not admitting anything about Mobei-Jun, no matter how nice Casper would be about it, he does not want to know what Wet Justice or Scary Ouji Lawyer would think about it if they found out. People knowing a thing makes it less secret. Changing tracks. "Like, An Ding is the fourth peak, and Yue Qingyuan is the sect leader, and whatever he says goes, and I just kind of have to, figure out how to make it happen, because since I'm in charge of logistics everything is sort of my problem? Does she just like, point you at shit like, here you go here's the problem you figure it out?"

"I... yeah. I-- there aren't very many characters it would have been worse to transmigrate into. Cucumber-bro got one of the few, but he managed to flip everything around and change the plot so everything came up roses for him. I was never allowed to deviate from the plot like that." Shang Qinghua looks down and away. He'll never be sure if he's managed to avert his death. It hangs over him. Cucumber-bro can rest assured that Luo Binghe would rather die than turn him into a human stick, but... Mobei-Jun is not a sticky little sheep. "I wasn't really like, allowed to be a likeable person, even if I was good at that, haha."

Casper’s whole face lights up when he grins at Shang Qinghua’s answer. People don’t smile at him very often. It’s… really nice, wow, maybe especially when it’s someone as easy to get along with as Casper. He kinda wants to make him keep smiling like that. "I get that. I always read to escape, like, my parents were divorced and I was sort of in the way of their new families, and writing it myself seemed like a way to have... more of that. And then I managed to make money off it, so it was kind of the best of both worlds, even though I didn't have much time to read when I had to write all the time. The literature scene is, uh, different, in the world I was reborn in, but I still manage to find some stuff to read when I'm not working. My shidi's little sister actually writes this really hilarious yellow book about Cucumber-bro and his husband, it's awful, I have no idea how she can look anyone in the eye." Resentment of Chunshan! Of course he's read it, what do you take him for? "It's sort of weird, though, looking for fantasy when I'm... in one. I want a better fantasy, without all the shitty parts I'm stuck with, yknow?"

[helborn]

"She pretty much does that, yes. Other than that, Fate is a real thing in my world that affects Scions quite a bit and it often likes to smack you if you try to deviate from stuff that's 'supposed' to happen. Like, you can do it but it's gonna suck a lot more than if you just let things run. But some things can't be allowed to happen." He likes the world, he'd rather it stay in one piece, please.

That... all seems complicated. "Changing the plot is kind of fun, though. When you can manage it. It sounds like you haven't been able to do that much... I hope you can, soon. And I think you're very likable, for the record."

Hm... divorced parents. He never really questioned where his mother was - the few times he can remember he got a severe look from his father and didn't really ask more. He's not sure what 'shidi' is - some sort of friend or familial term? He's not sure. And 'yellow'... he remembers 'yellow journalism' being tabloids, so is it a descriptor of the physical book or the things inside? He's not sure about that, either. "I mean people have always craved escape. Maybe not in the same way, but it's only natural. And I get it. I kind of wish I was in a better myth than I am if that makes sense."

He... kind of has to ask. "So fantasy medieval China is... okay with people being..." Gods it's hard to say it. "They're fine with two guys being... together?"

Nailed it.

[airplaneskyward]

"That makes sense, I guess. Tehcnically I could have deviated from the plot sometimes, but it wasn't always specific what the punishments would be, and when it was specific... well, if I fucked up completely, it said I would be returned to my original body, and that died, so..." Shang Qinghua is not incredibly comfortable talking about this, even with the system on standby, but it's such a relief to have someone kind of understand, someone who's nicer about it than Cucumber-bro. "I like being alive, even in a... shitty novel."

Then Casper says he's very likeable, and Shang Qinghua kind of wishes he had a fan to hide behind like Cucumber-bro. Is he blushing? Oh god. "That might be the nicest thing anyone has said about me, like, ever?" Help.

Honestly, Shang Qinghua would probably answer pretty much anything you asked, Casper, even when he's trying to be cagey because his life is embarrassing. "Yeah, the escapism choices are just... different, when the world is different. And the... fantasies have... different foundations?" Stop talking before you have to explain Resentment of Chunshan to the nice man, Airplane. "Just like... cultural mores really affect shit. Which, I mean, that's why xianxia is different than western fantasy, so it makes sense that fantasy inside of xianxia would be different again!"

...Casper looks awkward about that question in a way that rings real familiar. Shang Qinghua hopes he's right. "I, ah, yeah, I guess I-- I mean, the author managed to put in enough background cutsleeve shit--uh, gay, I mean, cutsleeve is like, the literary term--that I guess it's like, normalized in the whole world, even though the original book was a super heterosexual stallion harem novel? Which is... convenient, for me?" Nailed it. Totally normal way to come out. That definitely worked. Also, it's not really notably convenient for him, it's not like he's taken advantage of it, all he's done is stare lustfully at his king, but still! The availability of cutsleeve erotica is good! Sometimes he swaps recommendations with Qi Qingqi!

[helborn]

"Makes sense. Most people do." He's seen a lot, but generally people prefer being alive to the alternative. ... The blushing is cute. The blushing is super cute, and - "Really? ... Had a hard time making friends? Or just..."

How to put it? "People being too 'manly' to make comments like that?" He's not... totally sure that he's getting his point across right, but that could be either cultural issues or just socially awkward people being socially awkward. "But the different cultural mores affecting stuff makes sense. And I -" Oh.

Oh.

"I... uh. Mm. Canada just really recently legalized gay marriage when I'm from and the United States - which I moved to around that time - still... is slow to catch up. And my dad isn't... really accepting about that kind of stuff. And I mean, he grew up in a really different time but I -" ... Is he trying to make excuses for his father of all people, when he knows what his dad had willingly - presumably - been a part of? He clears his throat.

"That's not... really an excuse." His shoes are suddenly extremely interesting, pardon him while he looks at them. "So I kept it quiet. And... just became the quiet weird kid who was 'too nerdy' to be interested in dating. Basically cultivating an air of loserness to deflect... suspicions. So I didn't... need to tell anyone that I'm -" It's still hard to even say the word 'gay' without it feeling like an insult in some way. "That I like - that I don't like girls like that."

This is harder than he thought it would be. He's not even going to get into the 'Quebec is extremely Catholic' thing. It's not like he or his dad ever pretended to be religious, so Casper Senior couldn't have used that as an excuse. "Sorry, I... I never thought anyone would be... nice? About that?" He'd never even set foot in a gay social event of any kind - he'd known that there were people like him out there, but... he'd never asked. He'd seen people online but... he'd never really made friends online like that.

[airplaneskyward]

Oh god Casper keeps smiling at him and he can’t handle it. “I, I mean, yeah, I’m not good at making friends, because I’m like, very annoying and no one likes me? Like, Cucumber-bro is probably my best friend, but it’s not like he really wants to hang out with me. And all my other martial siblings kind of hate me? And my— the other person I mostly spend time around is— I’m not totally sure he’s not going to kill me, like he did in the book. He— I don’t know if he likes me at all or even finds me… useful enough to keep around.”

Shit, Casper has had a way worse time on that front than Shang Qinghua has had, at least in this life. “My first parents were— I mean, I was sort of an unwanted disappointment anyway, so it didn’t matter if I wasn’t going to marry a respectable girl, it’s not like it would have helped? And I was a shut-in with no friends, I wasn’t… dating. My, uh, Shang Qinghua’s parents probably wouldn’t have cared, but they didn’t really—it’s probably very weird to have your kid be a grown man from a different world! I… haven’t seen them since I joined the sect when I was 12. And I’m not— like I said, no one likes me, like that either. I’m not— I’m used to being like. Alone. I have work! I’m very busy. But you, like… your dad shouldn’t have… I know America is like. Regressive. And ten years earlier… I’m sorry, dude, that sucks. I know from being the weird nerdy one, but… yeah.” God, he’s terrible at being sympathetic. He doesn’t know how to make Casper feel better about this. “I think you’re… very nice and likeable and… dateable?” Wait that’s a super weird thing to say. “Uh, I mean. Just like. I’m sure anyone would like you!” Fuck. Now you sound creepy and insane, this is why no one likes you, Airplane.

[helborn]

"People shouldn't be rated based on 'usefulness'. It's really... awful. You're a good person, I can tell." He's pretty sure, at least? He can't really detect any lies from Shang Qinghua, so that must mean he's at least an honest person. Or he's hiding things with half-truths, but he'd like to expect good things from people even if he knows people can be awful.

And being a disappointment is something he knows a lot about. "It's kind of difficult to... I don't even know what I am anymore. I mean I guess I'm a demigod, but what does that even really mean? I guess I don't really know myself... other than 'nerdy' and 'nervous' I guess."

But then the other says that and his eyes go wide. His face flushes dark pink and he ducks his head. He has to hold it in and he's... he's not doing a good job. It's difficult to know that someone... actually cares? In some way? "I... um... I. ... Thank you? That's probably..." He sniffs, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "That's the nicest thing someone's ever said? To me? I..."

His voice is a little strained and when he looks up his eyes are damp and red. "... I mean, I've... I've been laughed at and thrown at monsters and even killed by people and it's..." He can't say he deserves it, even if he thinks he deserves a lot of it - it's his responsibility to carry burdens and keep going. "It's just really hard?" He's practically squeaking at the end and he clears his throat. "And... and people are... I don't know how to describe it but you're really different and nice and I'm sorry I'm having a weird breakdown on you, you don't - you shouldn't have to..." He turns a little, contemplating going and hiding to have a cry.

[airplaneskyward]

"Useful is, uh, mostly what I've got going for me!" Fuck, Casper thinks he's a good person, that actually kind of makes him feel worse. "I'm not a good person, I'm-- my character requires that I be-- I'm the scum spy traitor, but it's not like anyone liked me before they knew that, and it's not like the people I'm spying for like me either, and you shouldn't just think I'm good if you don't know what I am, I'm like the second scummiest character in the novel!" Fuck not spilling that, he doesn't want to-- to make Casper think he's-- something he isn't. "Good was sort of off the list of options the moment I woke up as the baby that would grow up to be Shang Qinghua, haha!" Please don't hate him. But if Casper does, at least that's-- honest. And normal. He knows how to deal with being hated.

"You're-- whatever you want to be. You're Casper. Unless there's a whole myth about Casper the demigod forcing your hand, you get to make it up!" Is that actually encouraging? He has no idea. He doesn't get to have an identity crisis, he knows exactly who he has to be.

Oh god, he made Casper blush. That's-- he is feeling some kind of way. Oh god he looks pretty like that. Fuck. Be normal, Airplane. "People should be nicer to you, you're the one who's a good person! Shit is like, always hard, but it's not--you don't deserve to get the shit end of the stick! You're like, a legendary hero, and you care about other people, and you're nice and no one is ever nice to me either-- and it's? Okay? I mean if you want to like, not be around me anymore, that's fine! But, it's-- um-- fuck, I don't know how to be comforting, I'm sorry! I'm not like, good at people, and I don't have like, a script for what to do if someone is nice to me, I don't know what I'm doing, I just say things, I'm sorry, don't cry, I can like, go? If you want?" Good job, scum, you made the nice boy cry, you can't even be friendly right. "Fuck. I'm sorry?"

[helborn]

All the other things are on hold right now as his brain tries to process everything and he bites his lip as he attempts to come up with a response. "I'm not good with people either but at least you're... you're trying? Which is... it's a lot better than a lot of people I know and it's... it's a good cry?"

He's pretty sure it's a good cry. It sure is a release of a lot of emotions he's having right now. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't - I should control myself better, I just..." He sniffles and wipes his nose, trying to keep things at least some measure of dignified? "I can't... people just aren't nice to me and it's... it feels weird but in a good way and I'm not sure why I'm crying anymore it's just..."

Tentatively, he takes a step towards Airplane. "... Is it okay to give you a hug?" Because being nice deserves a reward. That's how things work, right?

[airplaneskyward]

"You don't have to-- control yourself! Like, you said about the-- manly thing-- like, I'm not going to like, judge you for crying? I cry all the time! I'm, um, it convinces people I'm too pathetic to kill sometimes, but obviously that's not this kind of crying-- and, um, yeah I know what you mean about like, weird in a good way? Because no one is ever nice to me either! But I'm not, like, you're nice, you're like, a normal nice person, people should be nice to you, you're not like-- you don't have my, like... disadvantages? You're great!"

...When was the last time someone hugged him? His parents probably did, right, one set or the other? Decades, anyway. "Yes?" He squeaks. What do you even do when someone hugs you?? Especially someone as nice and, and cute, as Casper?? Don't be weird, Airplane. "That would be, uh, pleasant?" Task failed successfully. Fuck. Is he blushing again? "I mean-- I don't know what I mean. Um."

[helborn]

'Normal' he definitely is not, but he'll take it. He wraps his arms around the other, pressing his face against the older man's shoulder. His grip is a little tight, but it's firm and warm and so is Shang Qinghua and for a moment he doesn't feel the rocking boat or smell the scent of earth and plants.

All he can feel, all he can smell, all he knows for a moment is this hug and Shang Qinghua. It's warm and welcoming and the other smells... really nice? At least to him. It's weird and he's not sure what to do with that feeling so he sets it aside for the moment.

"Thank you." His voice is a little muffled but he sounds almost like he's going to cry again. He can't remember the last time he was hugged and it's... difficult. But the other feels safe and calming and he's just glad he has this moment. He rocks a little in the hug before starting to loosen his grip, taking deep breaths to calm himself.

[airplaneskyward]

Casper steps forward and wraps his arms around Shang Qinghua and he’s pretty sure his brain just… stops. He’s warm and solid, broader than Shang Qinghua, more like the build of a martial cultivator, and just a little bit taller. His face fits into Casper’s neck, and the other man smells real and vital, like rain and sweat and human, and his qi is dark and quiet, in a different way from demonic qi… he can feel the demigod of death part, now that he’s touching him, and it’s surprisingly soothing for someone so terrified of dying. Casper’s hold is impressively tight for someone who isn’t a cultivator, but then, he has his own superhuman shit going on, so that makes sense. It takes him a second to sort himself out and bring his arms up to wrap around Casper in return, and he’s sort of afraid of holding too tight but he also thinks maybe Casper is sturdy enough he doesn’t have to worry about it?

Shang Qinghua thinks his eyes might be like, wet? A little bit? It’s warm and his mind is quiet for once and it feels like someone cares about him and he sort of wants to just never move again. But Casper loosens his grip, so Shang Qinghua forces his arms to unclench so he’s not clinging like a limpet. Being normal about this, Airplane.

He doesn’t know what Casper is thanking him for, if anything he should be thanking Casper. In fact, he will. “Thank you. This is…” For once he doesn’t have any words. Hopefully the other man will understand anyway. His voice is a little shaky, but it’s fine. Casper’s is too. He is going to hang onto this memory like, forever, even if Casper wises up and stops liking him.

[helborn]

Casper's soul is... strange. It's almost... it's there but it's not there, even if he's still somehow real and warm and vital. He nuzzles into the other almost without realizing it, taking a few deep breaths and trying not to be so overwhelmed. He pulls his head back and presses his forehead against Shang Qinghua for a moment and then leans back a little. He's still holding the other, but not tightly.

"... Yeah." He isn't going to push the other - he's aware that the older man is likely going to realize he's a pathetic little creature and push him away. But he's going to hold onto this moment too. He needs it - he's pretty desperate for the attention and he knows it. He wants to hold the other for a long time, but he's... it's not right. It's not fair for him to demand this kind of attention. He doesn't deserve it. No matter what people say, he really doesn't. He hasn't done anything good enough to warrant this kind of attention.

His arms drop and he steps back, his face still red and his eyes still wet. "... Sorry. I'm just... I... it's not like I - I mean, I don't know if you have someone who - yeah. S... sorry."

[airplaneskyward]

Casper nuzzles into his neck and Shang Qinghua is, for all his cultivation, only human. The warm animal comfort of it is… goddamn, this must be why people like being in relationships so much. If he was married like Cucumber-bro, maybe he would just spend all his time hanging out alone with his husband all over him. He doesn’t want Luo Binghe all over him—Bingmei still honestly creeps him out, but at least he and Shen-shixiong seem happy?—but someone like Casper… he can see wanting that.

Casper steps back, and Shang Qinghua has just enough presence of mind to not make a truly pathetic noise at the loss. He’s… he doesn’t want to be that kind of pathetic at Casper, weeping and clutching his thighs and debasing himself. He wants Casper to keep thinking he’s sort of a person worthy of respect, even if he’s wrong and Shang Qinghua will always be nothing but a rat. It’s… sort of nice to have something to live up to, instead of down to.

Then Casper starts apologizing, and—fuck. “I— you don’t have to apologize, that was maybe the nicest thing that has ever happened to me, and— please don’t be sorry about it? I, I mean, if you regret— it’s fine if you don’t want— and anyway you’re like young and handsome and heroic and your prospects are like great and I’m a pathetic old man with bad taste in literature and the fantasy equivalent of a degree in accounting— but you’re not, like, impinging on, like, I don’t have— all I’ve ever had is a crush on my favorite character who’s going to kill me one day because I’m very annoying and a scum traitor and— I’m sorry, fuck, I—“ He scrubs at his face, embarrassed of how visibly emotional he definitely is. He’s normally better at not having like, real emotions, only ones that are useful for survival, but the unexpected affection has completely thrown him off, it’s not something he’s at all used to dealing with. “I’m sorry I was all clingy and— like, usually the closest I get to someone touching me is Cucumber-bro hitting me with his fan, I’m sorry I was, I’m being— weird about it. Fuck.”